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Politically Correct High School

  • No one fails a class anymore, he's merely "passing impaired."
  • You don't have detention, you're just one of the"exit delayed."
  • Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive.
  • These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically declined."
  • Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "closure prohibitive." 
  • Kids don't get grounded anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps." 
  • Your homework isn't missing, its just having an "out-of-notebook experience."
  • You're not sleeping in class, you're "rationing consciousness."
  • You're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time."
  • You're not having a bad hair day, you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome." 
  • You don't have smelly gym socks, you have "odor-rententive athletic footwear."
  • No one's tall anymore. He's "vertically enhanced."
  • You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."
  • You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal."
  • You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."
  • You're not being sent to the principals office. You're "going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building."
  • It's not called gossip anymore. It's "the speedy transmission of near-factual information."
  • The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively challenged."
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